A Rose Like No Other
by Amiiix3
Summary: A series of oneshots 'behind the scenes' in Twilight. Contains: Humor, Humor, Romance, and an extra dose of humor.
1. Spandex

**A/N: This is an attempt at keeping characters in character while still making it humorous. I hope I did it justice. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, buh-duuuuh!**

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"You know Bella…" Edward murmured against my skin.

"Y-yes?" I stuttered, feeling the blush rise to my cheeks.

"I would love to see some of your pictures from when you were younger." His sweet breath rushed through my head, eliminating all thought of hidden pictures.

"Of course." I breathed, leaning toward him.

His lips left my neck and traveled in a zig zagging line up my cheek.

"Why don't you show me some…don't you have any yearbooks?" His fingers fluttered over my collarbone.

"N-no." My eyes closed.

"What about this…?" One cold, sturdy arm wrapped around my waist and…

Edward pulled away with a triumphant smile, holding up my freshman yearbook.

"NO!" I shrieked, tears prickling my eyes in a wave of anger as he flickered to the other side of the room and flipped through the pages.

I lunged, my foot catching on the edge of the bed and instead of grabbing the book as I had planned, I fell into him.

His concrete body didn't budge. Edward simply lifted the yearbook from my reach and continued to turn pages.

"Stop it!" I grabbed a stuffed bear from the rocking chair and chucked it at his head in a last attempt.

It bounced off, but Edward glanced at me in shock.

I took this momentary lapse of attention and pulled the book out of his hands, and held it tight to my chest.

"I can't believe you used me like that!" I cried in shock, breathing hard.

"I can't believe you threw a bear at my head." Edward's wide-eyed expression of shock pushed me to a laugh and I slid the yearbook to the floor and sat on it while I hugged my knees and chuckled.

Edward rolled his eyes, but joined in anyway.

_I'll get you for this, Edward Cullen_. I thought to myself.

A week later, I had all but forgotten about the incident. My thoughts were simply revolving around Edward and his hunting trip this weekend.

The only one not going was Alice, and that was because she'd been forced to feed of measly little deers on Wednesday so she could keep track of me while everyone was gone.

Apparently Alice had already planned something safe for us. Maybe physically, but mentally I was already in pain.

"Alice, for the last time, I refuse to go shopping with you." I said calmly, standing in the middle of the Cullen's home with my arms crossed.

"That's alright, I won't bother trying."

My arms dropped in shock. "You w-won't?"

"I had a vision you would say no, and you're awfully stubborn today. Unless of course… you want to go?" She grinned evilly, her beautiful face wicked.

"NO THANKS!" I all but screamed.

Alice shrugged. Then, all too quickly, her body stiffened, and her fingers itched toward her face. She buried it in her hands and stood there for a minute.

Then the vision was over.

"A-Alice…?" I reached out to her hesitantly.

"BELLA I'VE GOT THE PERFECT IDEA!" Alice screamed.

I flinched.

"Sorry." She pet my head. "Remember last week, when Edward tried to 'dazzle' you so he could look at your embarrassing yearbook picture? Well I've got quite a few Edward fashion faux pas if you want to take a look!"

Alice hopped around excitedly while my smile slowly grew.

"…and this is back when Edward thought neon spandex was cool." Alice giggled, handing me the glossy photo.

Edward stood there in skin-tight bright pink spandex and an Elvis wig with huge aviator sunglasses.

"Holy…crow." I breathed. Perhaps the suit was a bit _too_ skintight. I let out a scream of laughter, shocking Alice. "Are you sure he didn't lose a bet?!"

We fell into a heap of writhing, laughing, girls. The picture fell from my hand and slowly fluttered to the ground. Right before it hit the polished floor, a white hand reached out and caught it.

Alice and I stopped laughing together.

"What. Is. This." Edward asked through clenched teeth.

My heart was pounding, and I felt pity for Alice at the livid look on Edward's face.

The Edward in the picture swam into my vision. I could see him now, his mouth twisted in an angry grimace, his aviator glasses disappearing into his thick black Elvis hair, every muscle in his body visible through his tight…tight… tight… pink...

"SPANDEX!" I gasped, falling to the floor in laughter.

Alice glanced at me for a second, back to Edward, and soon we were rolling around, clutching our sides, again.

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**A/N: REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! **

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	2. What's In A Name

**A/N: Unfortunately, it's later than I wanted it to be, but I'm incredibly delighted at the outcome for the last chapter and I hope this one goes as well. If not, don't be sad because the next one is yummy. -smile- **

**I wanted to update earlier, but I read this...haunting book called "Go Ask Alice". It's terribly frightening and I'm surprised I made it through the whole thing, but afterwards I couldn't stop thinking about it and I didn't get enough sleep. I recommend it to everyone though. It really shows a lot, but I wish people could get the basic idea without having to read something so scary. **

**It's the diary of a real girl who's life was ruined by drugs, and IMO it would be a really good book to read...when you're not taking finals! Kay, I'm done with my rant now, so I'll let you get to the story!  
**

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"Hey Eddie!" Emmett called.

I clenched my fists and spun around slowly, my signature grimace of anger pasted on.

Emmett threw the football at lightening speed. I caught it just before it hit me in the head.

Jasper giggled while Emmett made 'manly poses', flexing his biceps and winking.

"Don't. Call. Me. That." I ground my teeth and threw the football at the ground where it deflated with a whistle.

"What's in a name?" Emmett quoted, fluttering his lashes and holding his hands to his heart.

"That which we call a rose…" Jasper joined in.

"By any other name would smell as sweet." Alice danced over and sighed, the laughter glistening in her eyes.

I glared at them all before turning around and stalking away.

"Come on, Eddie!" Emmett cut me off, placing a big hand on my shoulder. "We're only saying, you should be _mellow_. Obviously Shakespeare thought you shouldn't care what name we call you, cause' you smell just as sweet!"

Emmett inhaled deeply, his eyes grew wide and his nostrils flared. He started coughing. "But you need a shower. HEY ROSE!" he yelled before I could stop him.

Rosalie, who had been listening to our conversation and laughing at her husband's stupidity, turned and gave him a sultry smile. "Yes...?"

_Spray him!_

I caught Emmett's mind just before he yelled the words and ducked out of the way, but I wasn't fast enough.

The hose's powerful spray hit me hard. I turned my back and hunched over, feeling the water seep into every crevice of my body.

It melted my annoyance, and I was left exhausted and… angry.

Before I could take it out on anyone, a deafening sound rumbled through the air. Bella was here.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and turned off the hose before closing the garage door so she was left in privacy with her cars.

Emmett, Jasper, and Alice walked away, but not before the latter raised her eyebrows at me and grinned wickedly.

Bella's smile was brilliant as she slammed the door of her truck and turned to me, but it quickly dropped as she took in my drenched clothes with confusion.

"I'm sorry. Emmett and I were playing a game before you came. Come inside, and give me a moment to change." I led her up the stairs to my room.

The house was strangely silent, devoid of any physical noise, but plenty of mental whispers.

_I wish Emmett would hurry up with that popcorn_

_This is going to be good…_

_I envy Alice, she's always getting front seat to the good stuff!_

"Popcorn?" I mumbled to myself while I combed my closet for something acceptable.

"Huh?" Bella turned; she was staring out the window-wall at the surrounding forest.

"Nothing." I muttered, pinching a black collared shirt and a pair of jeans and turning to the restroom.

I returned to the sight of my angel illuminated against the darkening sky. She radiated beauty and her scent traveled to my nostrils, making my stomach churn, but at the same time causing me great pleasure.

She felt my icy hand on her shoulder and jumped. Her eyes widened as she took in my crisp outfit. She seemed dazed.

I recalled her saying she liked me in the color black and applauded myself on my genius choice of clothes.

We both let out contented sighs when Bella leaned against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her while we lay on the couch and watched the sun set. It cast blood-red glows with the topmost layer of visible horizon a deep orange.

"Isabella…" I murmured in her ear.

She stiffened. I'd forgotten her dislike of the name.

I remembered the 'conversation' with my brother's this evening and wondered if their misshapen logic would work on my sweet.

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." I whispered in her ear.

She mulled over the phrase, but her pounding heart proved she had probably made no sense of it. She opened her mouth to speak, but before words came out, the door flew open.

Three frightened pairs of eyes stared at us.

Jasper stood, cupping his ear and leaning toward where the door had been a second before. Alice was on all fours with her ear pressed against the air and Emmett was in the same position beside her.

They all stood up at the same time and began to mumble pathetic stories, their hands gesturing until they were simply white blurs flying about.

I held up a finger and they all shut up. Carefully pushing Bella aside, I stood up and stared them down.

Emmett spoke first, his voice slowly developing a childlike whine. "It was Alice's fault, she's the one who said we would be able to hear it, but you were talking so quietly."

"Don't blame Alice, her vision showed her one thing and it came to be true, it was simply your lack of listening skills that caused you to push the door open." Jasper broke in.

"What are you blaming me for? You were the one who was all over that door!" Emmett looked offended.

"I'm sorry," Alice added quietly, "My vision was closer up…" then her pout turned into a smirk, "_'What's in a name…?'_" she mimicked, her velvety voice twisted to match mine.

"Uh…what's going on?" Bella asked, coming to stand beside me and looking curiously at the three eavesdropping Cullens.

Emmett, Jasper, and Alice looked at each other, and then began to laugh.

I stood, clenching my hands and grinding my teeth together; even in front of my very first girlfriend they embarrass me abysmally.

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**A/N: REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS!**

**I have a quiz for you; put this in along with your review: **

**A) I read the author notes**

**B) I don't read the author notes**

**C) I skim over the author notes**

**D) What author notes?**

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	3. Mickey D's

**A/N: I loved the response I got for the last chappie. Enjoy: **

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I tugged at the sleeve of Edward's shirt, trying to make him move from his stiff posture in front of my truck. "Edward, I want to drive."

"Bella," he contradicted, his golden eyes searing into my own, "I think it would be best for both of us if _I_ drove."

I blinked a few times to fight off the haze and glared at him. "I'm driving." I stated, and proceeded to attempt at shoving him over so I could reach the door. It was to no avail.

"Please, Bella. Cooperate with me just this once." My arguments were lost in the swirling topaz-glimmering gold; an oblivion of beauty I could swim in.

"…oh…kay…" I breathed, moving over unsteadily.

Flashing a grin, Edward leaned down and pecked me on the lips before sliding me into the car and hopping in after.

We drove to the sound of the radio and Edward's almost inaudible humming.

When we reached the Cullen's, Alice was waiting outside with her hands on her hips and her toe tapping as if she'd been waiting for us. There was an accusing look pointed toward the vampire driving my truck.

I cocked my head at Edward, but he was glaring daggers at Alice through the windshield.

He slid the key from the engine and was at my door before I could blink. He tugged me from the car and grabbed my hand, dragging me over to Alice quickly.

"I disagree." He hissed as soon as we'd reached the not-so-perky-anymore vampire.

"Disagree about what?" I asked.

"Well, Bella agrees with me." Alice shot back.

"Agrees about what?" I asked.

"She most certainly does not!" Edward looked offended.

"I DON'T WHAT?!" I screamed.

They blinked at me.

"You agree that Edward uses his powers for evil…" Alice said slowly, blinking again.

I smiled sheepishly and then furrowed. "What powers?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "His dazzling good looks and unmatchable charm."

Edward joined in with the eye rolling, but for different reasons.

"She's right." I nodded, looking thoughtful. Edward was surprised.

"I don't know what you're talking about! I don't _dazzle_." Edward was shocked.

Alice and I exchanged unbelieving smirks. "Yes you do." We said in unison.

"I don't." Edward was angry.

"What about the time with the waitress?" I wrinkled my nose, remember the girl at _La Bella Italia._

"And the lady at the shoe store?" Alice joined in.

"And the flight attendee?"

"And the manager?"

"And the cashier?"

"And just now with Bella?"

"And the lady at McDonald's?"

"And Jessica Stanley?"

Edward's mouth dropped open. "I can't believe you would accuse me like that!" he paused for a moment, "I never dazzled _Jessica Stanley_!"

"Yes you did." Alice said with certainty.

"When!" Edward challenged.

Alice smirked. "Back when we first moved here, Jessica was following you around, trying to figure out what types of places you liked to spend time at to get to know you better. She almost caught us skipping after lunch to go hunting one day, so you decided to approach her. You subtly told her you didn't like stalkers and dazzled her at the same time."

Alice finished with a triumphant smile.

I tried to hide mine.

Edward looked embarrassed.

"Oh, and she walked into a locker after that, but I don't think you noticed." Alice added thoughtfully.

I remembered something and broke the awkward silence that followed, "How did you know Edward dazzled me before we got here?"

Alice giggled, "I can see the future, remember? I saw it about an hour before you got here." She turned on Edward then, who was staring sheepishly at the ground. "I can't believe you did that!"

Alice and Edward had another fighting match. I studied the trees. When I looked back over, Edward was steaming in his corner and Alice's ego was so inflated I could practically see its outline.

Alice smiled at me, "So… why did Edward dazzle the lady at McDonald's?"

Edward silently pleaded with his eyes for me not to tell her. Before I could open my mouth to say a single thing, Emmett barreled out into the driveway.

"Yeah, why did Edward try to seduce the McDonald's employee?" he nudged me lightly in the ribs with his big elbow and winked.

I laughed, "He wanted to buy me a happy meal with the little toys in it," this was more embarrassing than I thought. Blood rushed to my face, "The lady wanted to spend as much time with him so she said he should order something else because the happy meals were only for kids under 6. Edward finally 'convinced' her to give him one."

I finished with my face at a not so lovely shade of tomato red.

I knew Emmett and Alice would concoct some way to make fun of Edward, but even I hadn't expected them to fill his car with McDonald's French fries.

The smell lasted for months.

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**A/N: Oh my gosh, so I'm reading this over to check for errors and I find a line in here (somewhere in the beginning) that is SO funny and utterly indecent. Tell me if anyone figures out what it is: )  
**

**REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS.**

**Btw: It's a little more OOC than my other ones because although I can picture it, I don't think Edward would seduce a Mickey D's employee. But I love the way it ended. **

**REVIEW! **


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